Winter. Seven. Life Without Fairies
If I were to write to be frank, honest and transparent, the way I wish to be on this blog, it would be obvious that life was not always filled with rainbows and butterflies. What I write on other social media platforms highlights the best of my successes and some of my jokes, showing only the most positive and uplifting as I have always striven to inspire and motivate those around me, that or put a smile on someone's face, or to make someone laugh.
After having such a great January, it was hard for me to write about this first week of February, but I've resolved to log it down like it came, and to move on.
Without further ado, I quit training in dispatch. Everyone around my job avoids using that word and prefer to say I'm putting my training on hold until a better time, but really, I quit it. Why? I wasn't up to speed, I couldn't multitask fast enough, I was overstressed, I spent my days and life filled with anxiety, trauma, social and mental fatigue, frustration, anger, really just a lot of negativity day in and day out... and all to the benefit of 75 cents. Management pulled me aside and advised me I was at a stand still in my training, that I wasn't progressing. They were developing ways to help me with remedial training. My stats and quality in areas outside of training were also on the decline. After leaving that office, I began to question if this was the right time to train. When I realized I could always return to train another time, and took everything else into consideration, I decided six months of my slow progression was enough. I will take the positive that I gained from training to embrace and excel in all other areas of my job.
In a previous draft of this post, I wrote the following
"I can voice everything I need to over the radio, call complainants, call fire and rescue, call Florida highway patrol, call my supervisors, call officers who are not answering the radio, take calls from these people just listed, check unit identification numbers and vehicle numbers when they click their mics and say nothing. I can reset a unit or call that needs to be checked on or updated, I can record traffic stops and run tags, add comments, and pinpoint locations of where officers say they are over the radio, I can put out emergency traffic over the radio and send backup units, call for a canine or air unit, find and send a unit's supervisor, call my own supervisor, and update comments from the unit into the dispatch screen as it all gets voiced over the radio. I can answer laptop to console and console to console messages to change check backs and signals and approve units for meal break. I can check premise notes and add that to calls and search on our database to see if off duty units can take over a call, or if a unit needs a gate code to get into a gated complex to handle a call. I can do all these things, but when the radio gets busy and the pace needs to be fast, my laid back one-track mind was falling behind. It is frustrating, because I know exactly what to do and how to handle every situation."
If this were a fairy tale, the hero would stick out in his training until the end. Stress would never show, the hero's skill would rise to the challenge... but I just couldn't get my dispatch speed and multitasking ability to par with the emergency traffic. It's hard to say, but it's just that simple. They say that dispatch isn't for everyone... I know I can do it, but I think now is just not the time. My heart was heavy when I stepped into my supervisor's office to share my decision... but since then I've felt nothing but gratitude and relief.
I'm sure in fairy tales, a hero would not have to spend so many hours in waiting rooms, only to be turned away multiple times. I had to visit Tire Kingdom four times to finally complete a simple tire change and alignment, something that the store specializes in. After the first installation, I was told to walk in the next day for the alignment. When I walked in the next day for the alignment, the wait was over two hours, which I had much better things to do, so the single backed up attendant recommended getting an appointment for the next day. I came in the next day for my appointment and even with the appointment I waited over an hour. After the hour I decided I'd benefit more from rescheduling for another day cause I needed to sleep before I returned to work another 12 hours night shift. After three night shifts I went straight to Tire Kingdom at 6:30am, waited in the parking lot until they opened, and it took them a little over an hour and 15 minutes to finalize everything, but it felt good to drive out of there with this finally completed.
I waited in another waiting room to finalize my permanent crown... little did I know that my crown wasn't in yet, but I was actually at the dentist for a filling. I learned to come early for dental appointments, because even though it's by appointment, it's still first come first serve. It was fast and painless.
My brother was sick with the flu, which I recently got over probably 3-5 weeks prior... so I brought over all my meds and fever goodies to make life with the flu more bearable. While there, I found myself looking through old baby photo albums of both my brother and my own. It was so interesting seeing qualities in Josiah in our baby photos. As I looked through our photos, my mom was prompted to restart on a long overdue project of putting together a baby photo album for our youngest sister Camille. For some reason when she was born in 1996 all photo albums and records stopped in our family. I think we just got too busy with the three kids. But before then, every aspect of our lives was dedicatedly documented. Mom and I sorted through pictures of Camille together. I created post 1996 piles of photos of myself, my brother, all our siblings, and full family photos. I ended up adding 6 full photo album pages to my own scrapbook that spanned over a 3-4 year period. That was a lot of fun.
The next morning, I awoke to a loud banging against the outer wall of my house. The movement was heard around different sides of the house, beating on different walls. Then there was a loud banging like a hammer on the roof. Though we needed work done on the roof, it was far too early for that, so I knew something was up. I walked outside with my steel 40 oz bottle in hand and my phone turned on flashlight. I shined the light all around every corner of the house and was ready to start swinging if someone or a group of people were there with tools to break in or weapons to harm my family or our property. If they were unarmed and ready to run upon seeing me, I was ready to collect a head to toe description and call 911. I saw nothing.
Later that night, Rhea heard the exact same noise that I heard. She also checked all around the house while holding Josiah. Nothing was seen. Then for almost two hours, she heard banging around the walls then under the house. When the banging was directly under the baby's room, we decided to have JSO check it out. If someone was just messing with us, they were doing a good job of it, if someone was hiding under the house, it was a good place to hide... if someone went under the house it is less visible and more dangerous for someone to crouch under and check that area. I created a call while at work for a unit to check the area under the house. By the time Officer Fisher got there, the beating stopped. He checked around our property and even talked to some neighbors and checked around their properties as well. Nothing. It was a few hours later than Rhea remembered seeing a black cat playing under the porch earlier in the day, connected that to the recent strong odor of cat litter under the porch and matching the playful noise of the banging on the walls, roof, and under the house. We decided it must be the neighbor's cat taking residence under and around our property.
Throughout January I stuck pretty closely to my rice free fast food free diet. The first I gave in this week was to support girl scouts by buying a couple boxes of Samoas from our friendly comm center girl scout. The Barrons have a cute little girl scout that was born while they were working here. She grew up with both her parents working here. How could I say no to that little fundraiser, especially when girl scout cookies only come what once a year or so?
With the vacation calendar that recently went around it was so exciting to plan all the vacation days that I've accrued over the past 16 months at Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. I've been seriously considering camping during the spring and part of the summer months, and possibly getting rid of my utility trailer to make way for a nice pop up camper. Rhea has to constantly remind me that a camper is not in the budget for this year. We'll see on that. With all this vacation and all the planned camping outings, a camper may end up saving us a lot in the long run.
We have a lot coming up this next weekend. Friday we are going to see the Lion King on Tour. Saturday I will be supporting Breast Cancer research and running my first race with the Donna 5k. Sunday my baby boy is turning one, and we will have an intimate immediate family only spaghetti dinner at mom's house. I'm excited for it all.
After having such a great January, it was hard for me to write about this first week of February, but I've resolved to log it down like it came, and to move on.
Without further ado, I quit training in dispatch. Everyone around my job avoids using that word and prefer to say I'm putting my training on hold until a better time, but really, I quit it. Why? I wasn't up to speed, I couldn't multitask fast enough, I was overstressed, I spent my days and life filled with anxiety, trauma, social and mental fatigue, frustration, anger, really just a lot of negativity day in and day out... and all to the benefit of 75 cents. Management pulled me aside and advised me I was at a stand still in my training, that I wasn't progressing. They were developing ways to help me with remedial training. My stats and quality in areas outside of training were also on the decline. After leaving that office, I began to question if this was the right time to train. When I realized I could always return to train another time, and took everything else into consideration, I decided six months of my slow progression was enough. I will take the positive that I gained from training to embrace and excel in all other areas of my job.
In a previous draft of this post, I wrote the following
"I can voice everything I need to over the radio, call complainants, call fire and rescue, call Florida highway patrol, call my supervisors, call officers who are not answering the radio, take calls from these people just listed, check unit identification numbers and vehicle numbers when they click their mics and say nothing. I can reset a unit or call that needs to be checked on or updated, I can record traffic stops and run tags, add comments, and pinpoint locations of where officers say they are over the radio, I can put out emergency traffic over the radio and send backup units, call for a canine or air unit, find and send a unit's supervisor, call my own supervisor, and update comments from the unit into the dispatch screen as it all gets voiced over the radio. I can answer laptop to console and console to console messages to change check backs and signals and approve units for meal break. I can check premise notes and add that to calls and search on our database to see if off duty units can take over a call, or if a unit needs a gate code to get into a gated complex to handle a call. I can do all these things, but when the radio gets busy and the pace needs to be fast, my laid back one-track mind was falling behind. It is frustrating, because I know exactly what to do and how to handle every situation."
If this were a fairy tale, the hero would stick out in his training until the end. Stress would never show, the hero's skill would rise to the challenge... but I just couldn't get my dispatch speed and multitasking ability to par with the emergency traffic. It's hard to say, but it's just that simple. They say that dispatch isn't for everyone... I know I can do it, but I think now is just not the time. My heart was heavy when I stepped into my supervisor's office to share my decision... but since then I've felt nothing but gratitude and relief.
I'm sure in fairy tales, a hero would not have to spend so many hours in waiting rooms, only to be turned away multiple times. I had to visit Tire Kingdom four times to finally complete a simple tire change and alignment, something that the store specializes in. After the first installation, I was told to walk in the next day for the alignment. When I walked in the next day for the alignment, the wait was over two hours, which I had much better things to do, so the single backed up attendant recommended getting an appointment for the next day. I came in the next day for my appointment and even with the appointment I waited over an hour. After the hour I decided I'd benefit more from rescheduling for another day cause I needed to sleep before I returned to work another 12 hours night shift. After three night shifts I went straight to Tire Kingdom at 6:30am, waited in the parking lot until they opened, and it took them a little over an hour and 15 minutes to finalize everything, but it felt good to drive out of there with this finally completed.
I waited in another waiting room to finalize my permanent crown... little did I know that my crown wasn't in yet, but I was actually at the dentist for a filling. I learned to come early for dental appointments, because even though it's by appointment, it's still first come first serve. It was fast and painless.
My brother was sick with the flu, which I recently got over probably 3-5 weeks prior... so I brought over all my meds and fever goodies to make life with the flu more bearable. While there, I found myself looking through old baby photo albums of both my brother and my own. It was so interesting seeing qualities in Josiah in our baby photos. As I looked through our photos, my mom was prompted to restart on a long overdue project of putting together a baby photo album for our youngest sister Camille. For some reason when she was born in 1996 all photo albums and records stopped in our family. I think we just got too busy with the three kids. But before then, every aspect of our lives was dedicatedly documented. Mom and I sorted through pictures of Camille together. I created post 1996 piles of photos of myself, my brother, all our siblings, and full family photos. I ended up adding 6 full photo album pages to my own scrapbook that spanned over a 3-4 year period. That was a lot of fun.
The next morning, I awoke to a loud banging against the outer wall of my house. The movement was heard around different sides of the house, beating on different walls. Then there was a loud banging like a hammer on the roof. Though we needed work done on the roof, it was far too early for that, so I knew something was up. I walked outside with my steel 40 oz bottle in hand and my phone turned on flashlight. I shined the light all around every corner of the house and was ready to start swinging if someone or a group of people were there with tools to break in or weapons to harm my family or our property. If they were unarmed and ready to run upon seeing me, I was ready to collect a head to toe description and call 911. I saw nothing.
Later that night, Rhea heard the exact same noise that I heard. She also checked all around the house while holding Josiah. Nothing was seen. Then for almost two hours, she heard banging around the walls then under the house. When the banging was directly under the baby's room, we decided to have JSO check it out. If someone was just messing with us, they were doing a good job of it, if someone was hiding under the house, it was a good place to hide... if someone went under the house it is less visible and more dangerous for someone to crouch under and check that area. I created a call while at work for a unit to check the area under the house. By the time Officer Fisher got there, the beating stopped. He checked around our property and even talked to some neighbors and checked around their properties as well. Nothing. It was a few hours later than Rhea remembered seeing a black cat playing under the porch earlier in the day, connected that to the recent strong odor of cat litter under the porch and matching the playful noise of the banging on the walls, roof, and under the house. We decided it must be the neighbor's cat taking residence under and around our property.
Throughout January I stuck pretty closely to my rice free fast food free diet. The first I gave in this week was to support girl scouts by buying a couple boxes of Samoas from our friendly comm center girl scout. The Barrons have a cute little girl scout that was born while they were working here. She grew up with both her parents working here. How could I say no to that little fundraiser, especially when girl scout cookies only come what once a year or so?
With the vacation calendar that recently went around it was so exciting to plan all the vacation days that I've accrued over the past 16 months at Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. I've been seriously considering camping during the spring and part of the summer months, and possibly getting rid of my utility trailer to make way for a nice pop up camper. Rhea has to constantly remind me that a camper is not in the budget for this year. We'll see on that. With all this vacation and all the planned camping outings, a camper may end up saving us a lot in the long run.
We have a lot coming up this next weekend. Friday we are going to see the Lion King on Tour. Saturday I will be supporting Breast Cancer research and running my first race with the Donna 5k. Sunday my baby boy is turning one, and we will have an intimate immediate family only spaghetti dinner at mom's house. I'm excited for it all.
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